Jill, Orlando (A Father’s Love)
“For most of my life I have lived with a fear of rejection, and I have believed that I am invisible and unwanted. Over the years that fear of rejection had become a stronghold in my life, along with a root of bitterness. I knew the truth and I knew that transformation came through renewing my mind, but there was a block. I found freedom in other things, but no matter what I did, I felt trapped in these beliefs and strongholds.
As Liz led our group through a spiritual battle prayer of breaking strongholds, God gave me a picture of the battle that I was up against. I saw bombs being launched and I saw explosions, but just like Israel striking Hamas, they can’t just hit the visible targets, they must get to the underground tunnels where the enemy is hiding out. As I saw bombs coming in and hitting those strongholds there were little demons who laughed in my face and took off through the tunnels. It was like they were saying, “You will not catch us. We will not be destroyed.”
The battle seemed to get more and more intense throughout the weekend and by Monday I was extremely agitated and feeling like I could explode. Out of desperation I was reading verses out loud and after reading one verse I started crying. I wasn’t thinking or feeling anything, I was just crying and couldn’t stop. I literally thought I was going crazy.
I stayed and talked to Liz after everyone left on Monday and she led me through a prayer that was excruciatingly painful and powerfully freeing.
As Liz began to pray she asked God if there was a room that I was supposed to go into. Almost immediately, God took me as a three-year-old little girl into the living room of my childhood home. I was standing next to the couch where my father was, desperately wanting his attention, but he ignored me. When Liz asked what the little girl (me) was feeling, I said, “invisible.” At that moment I literally felt the painfully deep feelings of being invisible and unwanted by my father and I knew that I had just hit the root of those beliefs.
Liz prayed and asked if Jesus had a word or something that He wanted to say to the little girl. Jesus said, “Come with me.” Liz asked if she was ready to go. I don’t know why, but I said, “No!” I wanted to stay there. I was desperate for my dad’s love. The little girl stayed and emotionally I lost it! It was possibly the deepest pain I had ever felt. It was almost unbearable. I cried and grieved the loss of my dad’s love and attentions, until God calmed my heart.
There was a pause, and I caught my breath…kind of. Liz continued to pray and then something amazing happened. My dad got up off the couch, picked me up and looked into my eyes with love and great delight. He held me. That is what I had longed for all of my life. I wanted to be seen, known, loved and delighted in, by my earthly father. Again, I cried and cried and felt deep pain and deep love and delight. After a while God calmed my heart again and I said, “I’m ready to go.” Jesus took me by the hand, and we walked out of my father’s house and I walked into freedom with Jesus (Psalm 45:10,11).
The feelings and beliefs of being invisible, unwanted, and rejected have not completely disappeared. Situations and people still bring up these thoughts, sometimes daily. The difference is that the demonic strongholds have been broken and I now have the power, through the Holy Spirit, to fight the battle. I can now choose to bring those emotions and thoughts to the Lord and choose to receive and believe the truth that He gives me. I have experienced victory as I have fought for the truth. Sometimes it seems easier to give up and just believe what I’ve always believed, but the freedom that I experience gives me the desire to keep fighting and to keep walking in truth and victory.”
Jill, Ministry Leader, Orlando, FL